Saturday, July 2, 2011

Light Bulb Moment and Turning Point

In my last post I was overly excited about what I thought would be a new and upcoming relationship - I got all the 'sweet' talk, the romancing, the elegant restaurants etc, but after a few dates, the phone conversations turned into 'texts' and now - nothing!  Why am I sharing this on my beauty blog?  Because I think our inner beauty and how we feel about our inner beauty determines what we give off to the world AND perhaps in writting this, I can inspire and even help one of my readers!  Louise Hay is an amazing author and woman.  One of her books is called 'You Can Heal your Life':

In her book Louise outlines that at the root of all of our issues is a deep inner pain associated with our self-worth!  How many women look to relationships for men to come and rescue them from their own sense of worthlessness and how many men play on words and phrases that make us melt into their arms (or into their bedrooms) - "This is love at first sight for me", "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen", "I've never felt this way before about anyone", "I can't imagine ever dating anyone else" - Yep, we get fed these lines and no matter how confident or strong we think we are, those phrases just jump through our rational mind into our insecurities about ourselves and we FALL for it!!!  Then after these 'players' (because in reality they play with our emotions and hearts) have noticed that we bought into their 'suave words and moves' and we start expecting and wanting more and telling them 'I miss you babe' - they back off, leave, begin to withdraw - why?  Because that confidence and beauty that we had within turned into a need to get rescued by these guys - we want sooooo badly for a man to tell us these things and we get so giddy and excited when they do, that we forget that we should be the ones to give 'ourselves' these messages!
Another book I'm currently reading is 'The Greatest Secret of All' by Marc Allen

In his book Marc mentions that with his personal struggle and story, he always looked to "someone else with more experience, more knowledge, to come along and rescue me and show me what to do".  He realized "I had to be that person".  This was a huge light bulb moment for me because I have always been attracted to succesful and ambitious men - business men, men who are at the top of their industry etc - I had to step back and ask myself WHY?  Why do I keep going after these type of men - why am I waiting for their success to be My success???  Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I need to be my own success story - I took out a peice of paper and wrote down my ambitions and the success that I want for myself and I decided I will NEVER again follow in the footsteps of a man's success - I'm going to create my own!!!

After finishing this book, I'm going to start reading a book that my friend recommened called 'Why Men Love Bitches' - Don't let the title scare you or make you think that you need to become some crazy 'bitch' to get a guys attention - think of the word 'bitch' as a woman who is confident and knows what she wants - and knows this to the point that she doesn't even need a man to bring her happiness - she creates her own!!!  One thing that I realized is that women are taught that they NEED a man to make them happy - that they need romance, love, sex etc etc and while all these things are great in the 'moment' they fizzle out - they still leave you feeling empty while you're alone 'WAITING" for him to call - give yourself the romance you crave - take yourself out to a great restaurant, please yourself - because God knows, not every man knows how to please a woman sexually in fact, very few do - so why not give yourself what you desire?  I don't understand why women are afraid to give themselves what they need?

Finally - WHY am I writting this on my beauty blog???  Well, how you feel about yourself is how others will perceive you - Yes, in waiting for this last guy to call, I fell into a little desperation because I wanted this to work soooo badly - I wanted a successful, good looking man who would inspire me to be my best self - until I realized after he made himself conviently busy and distant, that I don't need him to rescue me - I don't need him to make me happy or inspire me to be my best self - I need to inspire myself because a "Confident" woman is a 'Beautiful" Woman - a woman who knows her true value and worth is a true Gem!!!  I vow to never seek a man to come and rescue me again - there is no such thing as a prince on a white horse!  Instead, there is something better - a beautiful, amazing princess who decides to think for herself and create her own destiny and happiness.  I think also, never hate the men who have been in your life, for they serve as 'teachers' to show you the way to yourself - in fact, every person you meet serves to teach you something about yourself if you take the time to listen, so listen!  Learn from every romantic experience something new that will guide you towards becoming that strong, confident woman you are meant to be!!!


singularfocus said...

Girl, Why Men Love Bitches is gold. I read it in the winter last year as well as "Lady in Waiting" (a more faith based book) and I really got excited about being single. I was rocking it. And...this March I met an incredible guy! I think if I didn't become a "bitch" and got excited about being single I wouldn't have attracted anyone. There is a certain allure when a woman is completely content and excited in her current situation.

Renata said...

I'm only on page 9 so far and I agree, this book is gold! "Who I am is enough, Take it or leave it!" I'm so happy for you that you've attracted the love you deserve - I'm going to stop 'looking' and 'waiting' and start living!!!!!!!!! Thanks for writing singularfocus!!!!!!!!!

Kimmie said...

I was really embarrassed to buy the book Why Men Love Bitches, but it was very helpful. I tend to be one of those girls that will bend over backwards for people, and men especially if it'll get them to like me more. Blah. I was tired of it, because I was being taken advantage of. But not anymore :). So ya, awesome post! and I'm right there with you :). Great book, I'll check out the other books you mentioned too :)

Mark said...

The woman you describe certainly is not a "bitch" in my book. As a man, I do want a capable, intelligent, confident, sensible and *kind* womanly woman by my side. Just like any real woman would want a capable, intelligent, confident, considerate, loyal, kind and manly man by her side. I'm not a wimp - And I don't want a needy, overly dependent doormat as a mate. I'm also not a "nice" guy.. Good, loyal, faithful, reserved & dignified, perhaps... Definitely a man who wants to lead, but certainly not a "nice guy". "Nice" is the death of Good. I want a match, a companion. Someone who can be my complement, who is secure in her womanhood such that she does have an axe to grind or some perverse need to "compete" with me. Be a woman. That is the way God made you. Beautiful, yes, Capable, definitely, but a woman. I'm a straight male. I like women, not men. I like women who are women. Not women who want to act like or be like men. But also not a mousey, dependent, clingly, needy (which is really just a form of self-centeredness, by the way) weight around my neck.

Just my 2c.. Take it for what it is worth.

By the way, I just stumbled on this site. Very beautiful experimentation. I have my own favorite "looks" of yours, if you will. Never realized so much work goes into this, although I probably should have since I did have a mother, and still have two sisters and a wife of 26+ years.