Saturday, October 15, 2011

My journey to true inner beauty - from Cinderella to Princess

I love knowing that there is something so much greater than myself in the universe.  I love having this blog where I can post various makeup looks and I feel good about it!  Playing around with different colours makes me happy - makeup in general, makes me happy - even when I walk into MAC or Sephora, I get that welcoming inner 'buzz' and a feeling of excitment overcomes me - the only way I can describe it, is pure 'joy'!!!  BUT - and here's the big 'but', when you're having an 'ugly' day (i.e. that day where you just feel gross, ugly and unloved), no amount of makeup seems to help and instead, you're forced to look at yourself at your 'core' - the person behind the makeup and behind the masks.  As hard as those days can be, they serve a purpose - they help us see and love who we really are. Makeup is great, shopping is great, getting a new haircolour is great, but in the end, these are the material things that we use to express who we are, they are not at their true essence who we are on the inside - that part is much deeper!!!

 I recently watched the movie 'Ella Enchanted' with Anne Hathaway and the message shook me to the core - I had a lightbulb moment.  Basically, in the movie, when Ella is a baby, she is cursed by her fairy 'godmother' to be obedient.  Everytime she is asked to do something (even if its not what she really wants to do), she is obedient and does the thing she is asked.  Her life mimics Cinderella's story where her mother dies, her father remarries a woman who has two daughters of her own (who are the wicked stepsister types) - one of Ella's stepsisters figures out the curse and uses it to her advantage, getting Ella to do all sorts of things that get her into trouble knowing she will be obedient.  Ella decides to jouney and find her fairy godmother in hopes of reversing the curse.  On her journey she meets all kinds of interesting characters and of course, like in any fairytale, falls in love with the prince.  She somehow gets caught and the wicked king, who learns of her curse from her stepsister, tells Ella she must kill the prince so he can remain King.  Ella in the meantime finally meets up with her fairy godmother who basically refuses to reverse the curse, telling her that this curse is for her own good.  Ella, loving the prince, is about to literally stab him (like the king obeyed her to do) and then had a flashback of her mother telling her on her deathbed that what she beleives in her heart is stronger than any curse.  Ella in that moment, tired of people telling her what to do and herself obeying, proclaims with force and authority "I will not be obedient anymore, I am free". In that moment, Ella breaks her own curse and realizes that the answer was always within her and that her fairygodmother was right - she was given that curse for a reason - to recognize her own power within!!!

OK - so why did I just give you a whole synopsis of the movie on my makeup, beauty and elegance blog???  Well, how many of us are women who live with the Cinderella complex?  Being obedient to make others happy?  How many of us get an opportunity to break free from this people-pleasing curse?  When it comes to men, how many of us are obedient to what they want us to be vs being ourselves in the relationship???  We try to be the perfect wives and girlfriends, but in the meantime, we give ourselves away!!!  Isn't it time that we, as women, reclaim our power???  Isn't it time that we crown ourselves as princesses instead of enslaving ourselves as Cinderella?  AND most importantly, isn't it time that we give gratitude to the universe for showing us the lessons that we need to get to this point and recognize our own power???

I want to share something very deep about myself and its part of the reason I decided to blog about this 'owning your power' message.  I was bullied in elementary school, I spent my entire highschool life being over 280 pounds, unhappy, never having a boyfriend and seeing myself as unworthy, unlovable and ugly!  It wasn't until I hit my later twenties that I decided to read up about healthy eating, exercise and positive thinking.  I then discovered hot yoga, adopted a semi-vegetarian diet (I consider myself a flexitarian -eating meat sometimes, but also trying to eat vegan at least 2-3 times a week) - I cut out gluten, sugars and all processed, toxic foods, lost a lot of weight, gained some confidence and started to reclaim some of that lost power from the years I was bullied and didn't believe in myself.  However, I was still Cinderlla - I was still only 1/2 beleiving I was beautiful.  I will never forget one memory I had from when I was in elementary school, sitting on a bench (ALONE), minding my own business, when a group of girls from an older grade wanted the bench for themselves, so one of then sat beside me (pretending to be my friend), then another one, then another one, until I was literally on the edge of the bench and finally the last girl sat down and I literally fell to the ground - I was 'pushed' off the bench and in that 'moment' - I felt so small, helpless, POWERLESS.  After hearing Ella proclaim "I will no longer be obedient, I am free" - in some strange 'cosmic', spiritual way, I recognized the lesson from that moment - all these years, I have allowed people and things to 'push me off' my rightful place.  I have let my own feelings of unworthiness and fear "push me off" my rightfull place.  Well today I've decided to be Ella and today I proclaim "I will no longer allow myself to be pushed around.  I am free".  I am free to be 100% myself in all my relationships and if someone doesn't like who I am on the inside or doesn't value me, that person has no place in my life!  I've decided to reclaim my throne and put on my crown of confidence, self-worth and self-love.  I've decided to become my own princess (with or without Prince Charming) and I'm leaving the cinderella complex behind.

Yes, its absolutely true - every woman needs to believe the words "You are Beautiful" because YOU are!!!  I love blogging about makeup, but I am more than just the makeup I put on me face!!!  I am more than the dress I put on before I go out on a date!!!  I deserve to be with a 'prince' who sees me and my inner beauty and wants to be with me because of who I am on the inside vs what I wear on the outside!!!  I love the fact that colour inspires me - I love the fact that makeup and creating looks bring me joy - I love this blog!!!  More importantly, I love who I am on the inside - I love and am grateful for all the lessons I've learned along the way and have made me who I am today.  I even love those girls who pushed me off the bench all those years ago because if it wasn't for them, when I fell to the ground, I also wouldn't have recognized that its up to me to pick myself back up, dust myself off, recognize the lesson and RAISE MYSELF UP and reclaim my power!!!  Finally, I love God, this universe and all the experiences I've been blessed to have because behind each and every painful experience is the lesson to never give up!  Never give up hope that you are meant for greatness because you are - sometimes you need to get pushed off that bench by a bully to see the value within yourself to fight back and say "I will never be bullied again' - sometimes that lesson comes right away, sometimes that lesson comes 20 years later - but that lesson comes, and when it does, listen, claim your greatness and go forth with faith and hope, knowing that you are loved simply for being YOU!!!

I want to acknowledge that the photos I posted are from 'The Inspiration Situation' Facebook Page!!!


Victor Sinclair said...

Thanks Renata.

So how strange is it to have a male be the first one to comment on your make-up and beauty blog?

However, you likely also know I came from the Positive Imperative Facebook Group post, and you blog post speaks to all three of it's tenets.

Firstly that Negative like Bullying do ten times the damage to a persons life then anyone could imagine. Secondly that to do nothing about it is a neutral and that neutral is really always a negative. Thirdly that in all cases we have the option to "Respond" to the situation with a positive response and negative or a neutral, however once we "know better" and understand the consequences we have the shared obligation and responsibility to be the change, to be the positive.

Your post will inspire many people and cause a wonderful PosiRipple Renata! It takes a lot of courage to over come our wounds and look beyond them. Well done!

Big Hugs

Peace, Love & Light


Gina said...

Renata, thank you for sharing such a moving and personal account of your life.

Sneza said...

What a great post, Renata!

Renata said...

Thanks everyone - this was something that my spirit compelled me to share!!! In the end, its all about growth and learning to love your inner self!!!

Fil said...

Renata, I strongly suspect you are a beautiful person -- inside and out! I love seeing your make-up looks and all, but more than that, I see the beautiful person who loves to share and bless others, and loves all that is beautiful in this world.

Renata said...

Thank you Fil so much - that just made my heart melt. I really appreciate what you wrote!!!

singularfocus said...

You are beautiful, but guess were ALWAYS beautiful. :)

I was much heavier as well and lost a little weight. However, despite my very healthy habits I'm still considered at the very least "chubby". I sometimes wonder why God would "curse" me with this body type. I feel like it's to prove that women like me can be just as beautiful as any other woman. :) To remind them they are worth honoring and caring.

Renata said...

Singlarfocus - you are so amazing!!! Thanks for your comment - We are all worthy, loved, loving and lovable!!! We must never forget this!!!